An important quality I would look for is that he listens and is emotionally responsive to her needs. He should make it an emotionally safe place for her to express her thoughts/feelings/needs and be responsive in a way that makes her feel important and special to him, even at times he might disagree with her.He should be treating her with dignity and respect. Listening means caring about what she wants to share and not putting her down or shutting her out. He should respect her feelings even if they are different from how he sees things.
Many women look for confidence, competence, and charm in the men they date, but many overlook the core quality of pure integrity as they choose their life-long mate.
“Self-Esteem” and “Integrity” are vastly different traits. A man may appear sure of himself, sure of what he does, sure of what he wants out of life, and sure of how he treats a woman, but integrity is a crystal clear indicator of whether or not your man is the best catch. Men who possess a solid sense of moral character—both personally and professionally, exude both a “completeness” about who they are (consistent thoughts, ideas, and actions), and a “wholeness” of personality (balanced, grounded and undamaged). They also know and honor not only what they want and need from the world, but also are willing to know and honor what you want and need as well.
Men of integrity are also more willing to create and maintain the integrity of the relationship, itself, always keeping in mind what will be best for their partner and offspring as much as for himself as part of the partnership or family unit
Does he share the same values?
The most important quality a woman should look for in a man before marrying him is shared values. For example, if a woman is looking for a man who is stable and will be able to be the primary breadwinner, she should think twice about a man who lives paycheck to paycheck. A man who enjoys going out late with his guy friends frequently may not be the best choice for a woman who values quiet nights at home. A couple should have similar views on life goals, thoughts on having a family, and similar religious beliefs. (Although identical religious views aren’t necessary, an openness on the part of one or both mates becomes very important when children come into the picture.)
The old saying “opposites attract” may be true, but opposites are not always the best choice in someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with. While it is always nice for potential partners to be able to teach one another new hobbies, the core beliefs of a couple need to be similar. Marriage has ups and downs and during those difficult times, basic values in life is one of the things that keeps a couple grounded.
By doing this, he is demonstrating that he considers your needs to be as important as his own. He will treat you well even when he’s angry, grumpy, or tired. Showing respect means that he is fair-minded and can appreciate that you and others are entitled to your points of view.
It is not enough for him to just show respect for you and your family and friends. You want to see him demonstrating tolerance and basic goodwill to others outside of his social world. If your guy treats you well but doesn’t show enough respect for others, it is a sign that his treatment of you can easily shift at some point. Once he is married and begins to take you more for granted or when conflict develops, you may be the recipient of the same disrespect he directs at others.
You will want to take a close look at his interactions with co-workers, bosses, and subordinates at work, and with service people at stores and restaurants. You want to notice his ability to give others the benefit of the doubt instead of assigning negative intent to them, to make effort to avoid and resolve disputes, and to show that he doesn’t consider himself superior and all-knowing.
Your marriage partner needs to be someone whom you respect. It is very easy to respect and admire someone who conducts himself honorably, both with you and others
The single most important thing I would advise a woman to look for in a man is compassion
You want someone who is going to be able to put himself in your shoes and understand your pain, your disappointment and your joy. Compassion allows people to care for others, and allows them to have empathy even when they are not experiencing the same feelings as those around them.
A man with compassion will have an understanding of how his actions impact you, and he will most likely show more accountability for his role in the relationship. A man with compassion will not only be more thoughtful about you, but he will be more caring about the other things in your life, like your mom, your dog, and your professional pursuits.
Look for someone who is willing to honestly and respectfully communicate and work on solutions when there are differences of opinions, habits, beliefs or living routines;
Relationships over the long term can be difficult. One reason is the intense feelings of a new relationship slowly give way to a more realistic and comfortable routine. During this phase of a relationship, both partners begin to let their guard down and reveal more of their true personalities and habits. This is a natural and healthy progression. It would be hard to keep up all the pretenses people often put on during the wooing stage of a new relationship.
Therefore, a key trait to look for in a mate is someone who is willing to honestly and respectfully communicate and work on solutions when there are differences of opinions, habits, beliefs or living routines. Happy and healthy long term relationships require constant readjustments so both people are content in the relationship. Therefore, a partner who is willing to work on finding positive solutions and talking out problems is a major plus.
Handsome and rich are great and I’m not opposed to getting everything in one package; but looks can fade and money can disappear. Kindness – as a core attribute – only accrues with time.
You want someone who will see you as you really are and like you for that…no, love you for that.
You want a man who treats his mother well. Yes, that old saw. Unless she’s the Wicked Witch of the West.
You want someone who shares your core values: like honesty, integrity, social justice (or, its absence. It doesn’t matter what the beliefs are that you hold dear – you don’t want to be with someone who thinks they are trivial.)
He might be a serious guy or a man of great humor, but he should be someone capable of compassion and empathy. Yes. Both.
To review: kindness, shared values, empathy and compassion. And one more central thing: respect…for you, of course, but also for himself. Without self-respect we can’t stay strong in the face of the winds of life and fate.
Talkative or reticent – your choice.
Athletic or bookish – either one is fine.
Slick or sophisticated or right off the farm. Any combination of a slate of qualities can be worked with.
And he may be a “nice” guy or a little snappish and sharp. But do not trade off the essential traits for the glitzy and glittery ones.
A few more words about kindness: to dogs, children, strangers, the elderly…across the board. When he’s feeling chipper and when he’s not.
I would like to put it on a prescription pad, so you take it seriously. Find a kind man and life will be good.
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