PRIMARY REASONS WHY RELATIONSHIP FAILS

Failed relationships are one of the biggest causes of
stress and unhappiness in life. Working on
successful relationships, whether they are with our
children, parents, friends or partners, is one of the
most important life skills we can learn. If we cannot
maintain lasting relationships, we will always
struggle to be happy.

Most of us want to meet and settle down
with the “right” person, and most of us want such a relationship to last. At the same time, the majority of romantic partnerships end in dissolution.
A committed, loving relationship is one of
life’s greatest joys—and accomplishments. Loving relationships
can be the foundation of a meaningful life, and our anchor amid life’s difficulties and uncertainties. Yet about
40 percent of marriages
end in divorce, and breakups are even more frequent among unmarried couples.
What are we doing wrong?
What are some of the major causes?
The truth is that relationships don’t just take care of
themselves—they require commitment, self-
awareness, unselfishness, and willingness to change
and grow. We have to learn to shift from “me” to
“we” as the central focus of our lives. Committed
relationships can survive ups and downs, but some
patterns and behaviors can create more permanent
damage. From my years as a therapist, Counseling and knowledge of the research, I would identify some
damaging patterns that raise red flags about the state of any relationship or marriage. If you recognize your relationship, think about how to
change course. (If the situation is more serious, you
may want to seek couples counseling.)
Below are reasons why relationships fail.

Broken promises, lying, cheating, stealing.
These violations of trust almost always result in
relationship problems, and is an obvious reasons
a relationship fails. If the basic trust in a love
relationship is repeatedly broken, problems
accumulate and the motivation to stay together
decreases. Couples in loving relationships can
learn to reconcile their differences – and even
survive a physical or emotional affair without
anger or bitterness.

Nitpicking each other’s faults. Honesty matters in a relationship. But being too blunt about your
partner’s faults all the time may make them feel
they’re always under your constant scrutiny. Not only
will you slowly pick at their self-esteem, but you
might also push them towards the arms of someone
who’s much more accepting of their faults.

Control issues. If one partner is trying to
control or manipulate the other, the relationship
can become weak or destructive. Controlling
behaviors include checking up on the partner,
name-calling, threatening the partner, requiring
the partner to check in all the time, or not
allowing any deviations from the schedule. These
signs of obsessive love may not cause the couple
to break up, but it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

TRUST ISSUES: Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful
contagions to a couple’s long-term success. Without
trust, a relationship misses two of the key anchors to
a strong bond: safety and security.
Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy,
possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional
infidelity, physical/se xual infidelity, relational game
playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of
emotional support, lack of financial compatibility,
and lack of mutually-supportive goals.
If you believe trust is a major issue in your
relationship (or was in your former relationship),
examine whether the lack of trust is based on a
pattern of evidence (such as significant broken
promises), or mostly subjective emotions (such as
jealousy without proof). Consider honestly whether
the lack of trust is based on tangible substance or unjustified fears.

Selfishness, Narcissism, and Unbalanced Ties:
Selfishness is focusing on your own needs and not
thinking about the other person when you make
important decisions or in day-to-day interactions. If
you don’t do your fair share of housework or child care, your partner will begin to build
resentment and feel uncared for. Narcissism is a
personality disorder that can encompass many
features, including superficial charm, a lack of
empathy for others, and manipulating others for
one's own ends.
When relationships are unbalanced, so that one
partner’s extended family is always the priority, or
one partner always decides how you spend the
money, this fractures the ties that hold you together.
Marriage and committed relationships are, above
all, partnerships. When the sense of partnership is
lacking—when your partner is oblivious to or
inconsiderate of your needs, this weakens the ties
that hold you together. When you demand things of
a partner without regard to how they feel about it;
when you berate a partner for not meeting your
needs without considering their perspective or
situation; and when you ignore a partner’s
expressed needs for intimacy, understanding, and
help, you begin to create wounds that are difficult to
repair. If this sounds familiar, deliberately try to put
yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about how
you would feel if they acted that way. Learn to feel
grateful for your partner and begin to express it
often in words and actions.

Not Making the Relationship a Priority:
Not making your relationship a priority wears it down over time. Our education system doesn’t teach
us that loving relationships take work and daily
commitment. It’s easy for the relationship to take a
back seat when kids come along. If you don’t make
time for sexual intimacy, desire goes down. If you
stop talking to your partner about your hopes and
dreams, you start becoming more distant.

Arguments that get resolved, and controlled
expressions of anger, are normal parts of a healthy
relationship. But enraged screaming at a partner can
do damage both to them and the relationship.
Couples in unhappy relationships can get into
negative cycles, where any fight rapidly escalates
into accusations and negative comments about the
other person’s intent or character. There is truth in
the saying that it’s easiest to hurt the people we
most care about. We know just how to go for their
jugular—to hit them where they are most
vulnerable. And chronic stress makes it more
difficult to maintain emotional control.

We have to spend time on what we value. If we
always work late, it shows where our priorities lie.
If we spend no time with our partner then they will
begin to feel resentful / unloved. We can always
make time for things we really value; make sure
your relationships don’t suffer because you have
given your life away to your boss. Also, make sure
you create time when your partner is the focus of
attention; do things that they enjoy doing, and don’t
just drag them along to your office parties.