When we marry we sometimes think we have to be our spouse’s everything. We feel as though our life stops in order for this new life to begin. Both thoughts are incorrect. Couples sometimes bring unrealistic ideas as well as expectations into this sacred partnership and then are confused as to why the relationship fails. We have to be aware of our own personal limitations and realize we don’t possess supernatural powers. We can’t heal, save or change another person. We can however, love, support and share our lives with our spouses. In order to create more healthy unions, we must remember the 5 things we are not required to do in our marriage.
1. You are not required to complete your partner. Partnership means both individuals are bringing something into the relationship. Marriage should not be entered into to fill a void, to heal a broken heart or even make you happy. We should possess our own sense of peace and happiness prior to saying “I Do”.
2. You are not mandated to drop everything that’s important to you. Your partner was attracted to you for who you are. Marriage should not replace your dreams, the hobbies you enjoyed, or the life you lived, which included time with your family and friends. Unless of course they were harmful to you or the relationship. A partner who truly loves you would never request that you eliminate that part of your life.
3. You don’t have to lie, pretend or suffer silently in your relationship. Pretending you’re fine or that the relationship is perfect when it needs work is destructive. Speak up if things are bothering you. Healing comes from honesty and seeking solutions to the challenges we face in our relationships. Dismissing your feelings or not wanting to the rock the boat, will do more harm than good. Save your relationship by being honest and sharing your truth in a loving and solution focused way.
4. You should not have to guard your heart or be shielded in your marriage.
In a dating relationship it makes sense to protect your secrets or share a little at a time, until you feel completely comfortable. It’s expected in a dating relationship because you are still getting to know that person. However, the person you choose to marry should be one you trust completely with your heart. A safe space should be created in a marriage where both partners are able to be vulnerable and share their innermost truth.
5. You are not required to always say yes. We have to keep our eyes open for behaviors, decisions or thoughts that don’t honor the marriage. We also cannot be afraid to share our thinking with our spouse. While we want to support every one of our spouse’s dreams, we also have to be realistic by pointing out the risks as well as the rewards. We must remember it is a partnership and our partners will appreciate our loving honesty. Marriage should compliment and enhance our lives. It shouldn’t subtract or cost us everything. We can’t think marriage is going to save our life. The sooner we make that discovery in our relationships the better. Eliminating those unrealistic expectations of our spouse is the marriage secret most of us.
Do right things at right times.
When we marry we sometimes think we have to be our spouse’s everything. We feel as though our life stops in order for this new life to begin. Both thoughts are incorrect. Couples sometimes bring unrealistic ideas as well as expectations into this sacred partnership and then are confused as to why the relationship fails. We have to be aware of our own personal limitations and realize we don’t possess supernatural powers. We can’t heal, save or change another person. We can however, love, support and share our lives with our spouses. In order to create more healthy unions, we must remember the 5 things we are not required to do in our marriage.
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